Assalamualaikum and hi.
It's been such a long long time since the last time I updated this blog. It's like 6 am and I'm not asleep because I can't sleep.
2016 is just around the corner. A new year, new beginnings for some people. Next year's gonna be tough as heck. I've got a big exam coming up and I'm really not ready for it. I'm just afraid that I might disappoint my parents though.
To be really honest, life is really knocking me down right now. I have tons and tons of problems that I really can't figure out on how to solve them.
Let me tell you.
2015 has gave me bunch of experiences. I've learned a lot. Life isn't easy and it'll knock the shit out of you. But guess what? All of us have endured it.
I've lost a few friends. Some really close friends that have been there for me for a long time. And I've been there for them too, most of the time. They told me that they hated me. And it truly hurts, it bothers, but I didn't let it control me. A few of my good friends that I've lost this year told me that I've changed. It's true, damn true. I've changed. Pain changes people. Experiences make people think differently.
This year, I did went through lots of heart-breaking experiences. Been judged a lot, lost a lot of amazing people in my life. I've been insecure ever since. I kept asking myself, what did I do? What the heck did I do to deserve all these bullshit? Everything I did seems wrong.
After those things linger in my mind for a long time, I finally thought of something different. I thought, why do I have to care what people think of me? Why should I be unhappy just because of some people that does not appreciate me? Why should I take the opinion of people that doesn't care about my well being?
I keep telling myself, nothing lasts forever. Nothing. Including my sadness. It won't last that long. In the future, I probably won't even remember all these stuffs. So, instead of being sad and devastated, I told myself that I shouldn't care. If people like me, they will stay. If they don't, they are absolutely allowed to walk away from my life. I won't beg and force people to stay just because I want them to. If they don't want me, then I shouldn't bother to want them either. And it worked. And right now, I don't care, at all. And I'm happier. Just because they're not here, that doesn't mean I'm lonely. I have myself. And as long as I'm happy, I'll be alright.
But don't get me wrong. I still have feelings. I did cry every time when I thought about those things. I'm a human too. After you've done with your pain, you should just let it all go. Let it go. Oops Elsa love it. (I get distracted easily) Never hold onto your pain, ever. Just let it be, let it flow. When you've had enough, it's enough. No more.
Once you let go of your pain, you'll be happier. Trust me. Don't burden yourself. Don't overthink. Don't be insecure. You'll be fine once you let all your hard feelings go. They won't be there forever. Why not let it go now?
Don't care if people hate you. If you're happy, then it's safe to say that you're doing such a good job on ignoring those negative things. If people told you that you've changed, then just be the one that you are. Don't try to change yourself just because people don't like the new you. If you like who you are, then be yourself. Don't let people define who you really are. If you know who you are, be you. Then you'll be happy.
