New Chapter

Assalamualaikum and hi guys! It's been such a long time since I updated any entry. Oh my, I miss this blog. 

You know, sometimes when we think about the future, we get frighten by just the thought about it. I came to my senses just a few seconds ago, and decided to write a new entry. 

I deleted most of my useless entries from the past years. When I read those entries, of course I had some flashbacks. But the thing is, the first thought that came across my mind is "What the heck was thinking?" I'm hating my old self now (please laugh and give me a huge applause).

I was immature. So weak and insecure. The kind of person I personally don't like with passion (well the word 'hate' is quite strong). It made me realize that I've changed so much. Obviously; the way of thinking. 

Reading those old entries also made me realize that I was gedik (probably still). I was a truly judgmental person. And I suck at my attitude too. After all these years, finally figured out why there's so many people that doesn't like me. 

I judged the people that judges other people, and that makes me the same person as they are. I hated people because they judge other people, but I clearly did the same thing. I probably just needed some attention back then, aha. And now I know why I wasn't happy about myself. I hated me. 

I had this very strong feelings that told me that I'm in need of a change. My mind told me that need to change my way of thinking and my heart told me to be "kinder". 

Well what do I expect? I can't expect my 11 and 12 y/o self to think straight. I was a kid. I still am, but a little bit matured. 

I used to have A LOT of negative thinking. I remember imagining the way I thought I would die. I used to think staying at home was stressful and would make me mad. It's quite true in some ways, but now I think staying at home is better than going out. You know why? Spending lots of money for something that doesn't even worth it and then regret it for the next few hours. (I'm sorry, I get distracted easily)

I used to think life is all about the pain and it will make you suffer. And I thought dying was good for you. But, NO! It's not a good thing. But we just can't stop it from happening. It's going to happen someday. Everyone is going to die. 

I was terribly scared to grow up and refuse to (i want to but i can't somehow). I've only lived 14 years on this planet Earth. There's so much things that I don't know. But for some reasons, I know that the world we are living in now, is scary. 

But let's be positive! Spread positive vibes. There are many hard things in life to achieve, but there's this saying that says, "Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow, without a little rain." It's cute though. 

I want to be more positive. A better person. Someone who is brand new. The one that tries to be patient and accept the reality. I want to love myself. I want to be happier.